The Unbearable Illness of Being

Until this week I had thought that flu was just like a cold but a bit worse. Certainly, that's how it's portrayed in doctors' surgeries with the grouping of the term 'Cold and Flu'. But yet again the GPs (bastards as they are) lied to us.

Sunday night saw the sniffle. I thought 'meh'. After all, it's only a sniffle and I can take it!

Monday night saw the sore throat which is still playing games with me.

Tuesday went bananas and saw me rolling around in bed, delirious, babbling and groaning. I then began thinking I was in Russia and Finland (God knows why).

This morning I felt a little better at about 5a.m. until I made the mistake of flushing the toilet which freaked me out something rotten and reduced me to a feverish delusional mess where I felt like I had tiny, tiny hands. I love surreal but this was taking the piss.

Having spoken to the doctor the real truth of flu was revealed: all of my symptoms were part of the dreaded influenza: fever, confusion, hallucination, diarrhoea, insomnia. And if one more person calls this 'manflu' I will stab them with a bic razor.

I am still feeling warm and trying to keep myself cool so that I don't cook my brain and go waffy again. Also, my sore throat has taken all the pleasure out of smoking and it's a bloody nightmare needing nicotine and then not enjoying it. I always said that I would have to quit the bassoon as it was impairing my ability to smoke, but I just have to wait for the flu to pass - there's nothing I can do about the fucker.

I am a floundering fish on a beach of infirmity.

Worse than that I had arranged a full week of socialising with my closest friends. Ceri was supposed to be coming round on Tuesday night but that has been moved to Thursday (which actually worked out better because then there's a big bunch of us - although I do miss her and an extra two days feels really quite a lifetime) and Kez was supposed to be coming this morning but I had to cancel.

I am feeling considerably better now and am not contagious anymore, therefore I am very much looking forward to an evening of French films and folk with friends, but currently I'm so bored I could piss myself.

I now count down the hours until I can take more pain relief. What I would give for one of Jai's morphines!